You suck!
The advantage of having no readers of this blog is the fact that I won’t be getting much criticism of what I write here. Yay! But I guess critics are a fact of life if you’re going to try to be successful at anything. So, if I decide to do anything beyond this site I had better ready myself for the negative comments.
For me this won’t be too hard. I’m tough on myself. I’m probably my biggest critic. I second guess myself and edit myself a ton before I push the button on anything I release to the world. I hold back a lot of what I come up with, which I guess is good because I feel that most of what I come up might not need to be said.
But someone said to me today “What have you got to lose at this point?” Which after I thought about it, isn’t much. So damn the torpedoes. I’m going to do my best to put what I’m feeling here. Hopefully it won’t just pointless drivel. If it turns out to be pointless, so be it.
Not the first, but…
I was watching Star Trek (The Original Series) last night. It was the episode “The Enemy Within”. You know, the episode where there is a transporter accident and Kirk (and a poorly costumed alien dog) are split into two separate versions of themselves. One is weepy, weak, and uncertain of himself. The other is the “Evil Twin”. It truly is Shatner overacting at his finest, see the scene where “Evil Kirk” proclaims “I’M CAPTAIN KIRK! It’s Shatner gold.
As I was watching the show I noticed something that raised a question for me, and let me say I did a quick Google search, I’m not the only person on the web to ask this question. But I’m asking it anyway.
Why the hell does Captain Kirk have concealer make-up in his quarters? Seriously, he uses it to cover scratches on his face after trying to have his way with Yeoman Rand. In order to hide the evidence that will distinguish him from “Wimpy Kirk”, he finds make-up on his dresser and uses it.
I knew he had a toupee and girdle, but make-up? But I jest. This is one of the best episodes of the original series.
Weird Dreams
I’m still thinking about the dream I had last night. Normally I don’t remember my dreams or if I do they don’t stick and are forgotten by the time my day has started. I’m not sure why this dream seems to have stuck in my head. It was an odd dream that made little sense.
The things I remember are just flashes and images really. But I do remember someone playing their version of “Teen Spirit”. It had a different style to it and it sounded nothing like the Nirvana version. But I could make out what song was being played. Strange because though I have the original album, I rarely listen to it.
The next thing I remember is a scouting trip to the Arctic and being partially submerge in the water near an ice floe. Once again don’t ask me why. I have no clue. I don’t even remember making it out of the water. But I wasn’t scared or even remotely cold or frozen. Which I find odd.
Lastly, and most weirdly (is that word?), I can remember some sort or strange bomb going off. Giant arcs of yellow/orange plasma energy all around. I remember feeling a tingle in the air as the bolts of energy shot back and forth surrounding me. Then comes the really weird part. The rocks on the ground around me began to form faces and speak! I’m disappointed, I don’t remember what they said.
Now let me just state for the record; I have never done drugs of any kind. But from this nocturnal journey of 1990’s grunge, Arctic exploring, and talking landscapes, you’d never freakin’ know that! The only thing I can think is NO MORE XANTH NOVELS BEFORE BEDTIME! But then again it was better than the nightmares I have at times that set off my anxiety attacks. (see Night Mare, I guess)
RIP Harry Coover, Super Glue Inventor
RIP Harry Coover, inventor of Super Glue
My toolkit is incomplete without tube of the stuff.
“Sucker Punch Review: A Spectacular Display Of Breathtaking Incompetence”
Pajiba just about covers it here:
Lazy day…
I haven’t been lazy today. It just feels like it. There’s not much to do out here. So sometimes I just feel unmotivated on quiet days. I did some writing and read some of a good book (Xanth #1).
Oh, I shopped for jeans online. couldn’t find any great deal in clothing. But I need pants (to go outside). Even the sales were not deals if I ordered the stuff online. So I’ll wait (pants-less). Just trying to leave my readers (both of them) with a disturbing mental image.
“Use The Force”
I’m determined to not stay in the funk that’s got me. I’m working on things that I have been putting off. Reading books that I put down, writing things that I’ve been procrastinating on, and generally just trying to force myself out of the place that I put myself.
I have no illusions, it’s not going to be easy. But maybe it will help me move forward, even if it’s just a little bit. This is why I went to the movies yesterday. I don’t do that very often. It’s expensive and a long drive. I needed the change of scenery though. I needed a boost. The recent success at helping someone redo their blog helped. I just need to keep that going.
Sitting out here in the wasteland takes the enthusiasm out of me very quickly. I go to the conventions and meet all the creative people or hangout with talented friends and it revs me up to be creative. Then I come home and the spark seems to vanish. Yes, there are triggers. Things are not always supportive here. But I’ve got to work through that if I’m going to be productive and successful.
I had a discussion with someone today about how someone close to me is unhappy with their situation (not me for a change). I kept thinking “This person has done nothing to change things.” As I went through my judgmental moment I thought, “Neither have I. So I can really have an opinion on somebody else’s problems.” I try to not be a jerk and judge people, not always a successful at it. But it did sort of make me kick my own ass. I hope it makes a difference.
Sucker Punch
I really wanted to like Sucker Punch. Visually the movie is interesting, but I’ve seen this style in Snyder’s other films like Watchmen and 300. So it really wasn’t anything new or groundbreaking. I had actually waited for both of these films for rental rather than seeing them in the theater. I probably should have done the same for Sucker Punch.
The story was predictable. You knew where it was going next. There were not any surprises in that department. The overuse of slo-mo gun battles and sword fights became tedious after the first couple of scenes, and I guess if you’re inside your mind during these fights you are a complete badass.
The characters in the film were uninteresting and flat. I just didn’t care what happened to them. The villain was just not very good, like he was trying too hard to be bad. The story was simple. Young girl’s (Babydoll) mother dies leaving her with twisted evil stepdad. He has her put in an asylum where the creepy orderly will have her lobotomized.
Babydoll retreats into her mind to join up with other inmates to attempt an escape. In the process fighting weird creatures, samaurai-like beings, and creepy Steampunk Germans. I won’t give away anything more except to say why aren’t there more movies with dragons? That was the coolest scene in the film, and all too short.
Pretty girls and neat special effects do not make a good movie though. I guess I want a good plot and to be challenged by having to think a little bit. Not a terrible film, but maybe just a rental?
Rough couple of days
My depression and anxiety have been at full throttle for the last 3 days. I’m annoyed that nothing seems to work very well at keeping me level. The meds I’m on seem to be less effective during times like this.
I was feeling pretty good while working on the site redesign for Sailor Jim. Now I’m just feeling like I should be doing something, but I have no idea what exactly. I think that is a big part of my problem. I’m not feeling like I’m contributing to anything worthwhile. Does that make sense? I’m not sure.
An online acquaintance posted and video about an author who has had success publishing her books as e-books. It was interesting, last week I was reading articles about the same girl. I was researching alternative publishing ideas for another friend. I had the thought that maybe I should try to do the same thing with some of my writings.
I’ve been asked to be an editor on a new project that is coming out soon. I’m excited about that. I’ve also been talking to my colleagues about writing for future installments of the project. I’ve been told I will be doing that. It’s just a matter of all of us having the time to collaborate. I have plenty of time, my friends do not. I will write more about this venture in the future when I have more details.
I’m also psyched for the comic convention season to start. I always have fun at the conventions. Even though at the time they occur I always feel anxious and unsure. I end up having a great time. I always enjoy seeing friends and some of the great cosplay folks.
Looking at options to change my living situation. I’m tired of being stuck out here in the middle of nowhere with no access to any companies or jobs. I applied for a couple of jobs in Hollywood and I’m hoping to hear something one way or the other on those.
I was invited to a business festival on Saturday. I was unaware that the invite cost money though. So I’m not sure if I will be doing that or not. I had hoped to make a few contacts through networking there. I’m still hopeful.
On another business note. I decided to start trying to do some eBay sales again. Now I just need stuff to sell. I think most of my belongings in New York have been liquidated. I’m thinking of attending an eBay sales seminar in Las Vegas next month it’s not that expensive, so maybe.
So what do I have to feel depressed and anxious about? Not much I think. I’m pretty sure it’s just circumstances that I need to find a way to either change or cope with better. Writing about it here has helped me put it in perspective and motivate me to do something about it.
I really want to go see this…
Star Wars at the Pacific Science Center in Seattle. More picture at Geek Tyrant. I also want to go see Star Wars in Concert, but the money is just more than I can afford to spend right now. Damn economy.
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